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uninspired... [May. 31st, 2008|07:57 pm]
[Current Mood |draineddrained]


I have a boy--- no a man,

who loves me for what I am,

but the blood that I shed screams you just don’t understand

and every time something changes

my cry seems to resonate the same:

I am becoming what I never thought I’d be.

And as I love you in the night time,

between cool sheets and whispered dreams,

I wonder if the stars are hidden,

and if the heron sings as it flies

like a dinosaur that missed its ship

and at night it gently cries:          

I am becoming what I never thought I’d be.

But to the girl who used to dream

of touching every soft and secret thing

I am my own fallen hero.

But to the woman I now know

I am nothing better

than that little bed wetter.

I am becoming what I never thought I’d be.

Yes, it’s a borrowed thought,

and just a lonely single drop,

but it must mean something to

someone or no one

of my everyone.

To the child I may know someday

who’s afraid to speak out loud.

To someone’s favorite somebody.

It’s easy to tell these strangers

that I am becoming what I never thought I’d be.

My love making

makes no one love;

and liquid bliss or tender kiss

can make no one good enough.

This boy ---no man

loves me as I am

although I am becoming what I never thought I’d be.

 He can make this last for a moment of hungry


and fear.

I realize that the girl behind my eyes

is afraid of the silliest scariest things

like love and pleasure,

and losing control,

and becoming what I never thought I’d be

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(no subject) [Apr. 22nd, 2008|07:26 pm]

Current mood: mischievous


so many words.



but loving

and beautiful

so much of just this

just now

just how do i say this

how do i express this





i think you've come close

and  although

i want you closer

i am afraid

and you know it.

i want to fight the ocean again

feel my powerless power

the power to just keep my head up

to swim out far enough to be afraid

but to not really care

if i sink or swim

to feel my legs pulled and pushed

to feel water between my toes

strange like

liquid love

like power and fury when under

and beauty and grace when up...

i no longer know what i mean

but i dream of oceans now

and of grass prints on my face

of rug burns and scraps

and of playing

of running dancing and screaming

and knowing that i am not a grown up.

i am not a mom.

i am not anyone but me.

and i can run and dance and play.

God has made me

God still wants me.

and God knows you want me too

and i know.

so will you smile and laugh at me.?

its the only response that makes sense

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(no subject) [Apr. 16th, 2008|05:46 pm]
[Current Mood |draineddrained]

 wondering about us.  About how it will be when you're home.
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mmmhmm. [Apr. 12th, 2008|02:59 pm]
[Current Mood |relaxedrelaxed]

If you hate the taste of wine
Why do you drink it until you’re blind?
And if you swear that there’s no truth and who cares
How come you say it like you’re right?
Why are you scared to dream of god
When it’s salvation that you want?
You see stars that clear have been dead for years
But the idea just lives on 

~Bright Eyes
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Writer's Block: *Lightbulb Goes Off* [Apr. 11th, 2008|03:26 pm]
[Tags|, ]

What was the last great epiphany you had?
 That Mark really does love me. Figured that one out in the beginning of March.
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the addiction returns. [Apr. 10th, 2008|09:01 am]
[Current Mood |energeticenergetic]

new tattoo and two new piercings.
 actually i am getting the tattoo this afternoon but whatev.

the new peircings are my navel and my tragus. neither were as bad as i thought. hopefully they'll stick.  especially my belly becaue i love it!
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hey babe [Apr. 9th, 2008|05:34 pm]
[Current Mood |amusedamused]

do you wanna run baby?
will you run with me?
to a place that's only ours;
a place that they can't see?

do you know my name hun?
what do you wanna see?
my mind or my middle;
or something in between?
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(no subject) [Apr. 8th, 2008|08:12 pm]
[Current Mood |contemplativecontemplative]

watched a heron the other afternoon.
The smoke curled out of my throat.
I wasn't thinking of anything.
I just wished i could fly.

all i am telling you is the truth.
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(no subject) [Apr. 8th, 2008|06:42 pm]
[Current Mood |restlessrestless]

 oh my darlin
oh my darlin
oh my darlin Clementine
you are lost and gone forever
dreadful sorry 
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(no subject) [Apr. 5th, 2008|12:44 pm]
[Current Mood |goodgood]

you mouth two words in my direction.
and it makes my world melt.
Do you mind if I stay?
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